Libido Mismatch

Hey,

My boyfriend and I have been having sex for a few months and well he doesn't want to do it very often. we only get to see each other once a week and we haven't gone out to do anything for awhile either. He loves me just as much as I love him. Whenever we do have sex I feel like I am pushing him into to it. I am just worried if I am doing anything wrong to not make sex appealing to him.

Thanks,
Worried

Dear Worried,

Amazing as it is to me, there are some guys who do not have a strong sex drive. They should see a doctor. Seriously.

But this may be a case where your guy is gay and does/does not know it.

It is also possible that, as you say, he loves you, but he is not physically attracted to you.

The fact that you used to go out and aren't any more is interesting. I mean, that could be a good thing, but it sounds like it isn't. He may just be going through the motions with you and doesn't want to hurt you.

There is only one cure for this: TALK TO HIM. Instead of pushing him to have sex, push him to talk openly, honestly and sincerely with you about the sex and about your whole relationship.

If he says he's just not that interested in sex, find out if this has always been the case. It may be an uncomfortable subject, but ask him if it was the same with his last girlfriend. If something has changed in his sexual desire and you are convinced it's not about you, he may have a medical problem (see first paragraph).

Best wishes,

Al

I was surfing around on the internet a few months ago and found some porn movies directed toward women. I was wondering if you could recommend a few movies directed toward women. I think my wife and I might like them more than all the other porn movies out there. I don't particularly enjoy the thought of seeing guys blow their load on some chicks face. I was just hoping you might be able to recommend some more female oriented or "classier" porn. I hope you can help. If not just let me know when if you can or not.

Thanks

Are you sure you don't like seeing facial cum shots? OK, I'll believe you. In any case, here at AAF&SHS we don't often recommend specific products or companies, but I'll make an exception in this case. Check out the video selection at Good Vibrations, a woman-owned sex-positive business, and in particular their selection of woman-directed flicks.

Happy viewing!

Al

Desperate for Anal

Sure do want to have anal sex with my woman. she says she has piles and wont try it. anything you can suggest to get her to relent and make it easy for her?

Thanks.....
Want that ass.

Dear Want,

What I want to know if why the lady proprietors of this blog wanted me to respond to this one!

I know many women who are just not interested in anal, even without a medical issue. Now, I'm 101% straight, but I've had 'roids, and if I were gay I'd insist on being the top. This is a roundabout way of saying I'm with your woman on this. Hey, there are lots of ways to have sex. I'd focus on the ones that she is comfortable with. The reason she's giving may be the real reason and it may be a way of saying "I don't want to do that."

Look at that ass, fondle that ass, worship that ass, but sorry, you won't be fucking that ass.

Al

Naked, If I Want To

Al,

I have been dating my gf for 3 years and very committed. We have been naked in front each other occasionally. But these days I feel like being naked in front of her all the time. Not just for sex but even while talking to her about anything or having lunch I want to remain naked. She doesn't like the idea and feels a guy should be dressed. Is there something wrong with me? And tell me what I should do.


Nature Boy,

I don't believe anything that is not harmful to another person is necessarily wrong.

Question: Do you hang around the house and eat meals naked when you're by yourself? Although it's probably not the norm, plenty of people prefer not to be encumbered by clothes. But if you only want to do this when you're with her, I can't help feeling there's something sexual about your desire.

In any case, if she doesn't like it, I have to side with her. If you're not living together, then let it all hang out when you're alone at your place, and cater to her preference when you're together.

If it's too much of a compromise for you, perhaps you're not compatible.

Al

He Can't Orgasm III

Dear Al,

I have been with my girlfriend for a while now and we have a great sex life. The sex is great! I always am erected ready to go, but when it comes time to cum I never can do it. On the other hand, if she gives me a hand job i can ejaculate right away. Is there any way of my changing this? Thank you very much

MC

Dear MC,

At least you're a step ahead of the last guy. As I said to him, you may need to vary how you engage in intercourse. Try positions that give you the most control over your sensations. Also, if your girlfriend tends to be highly lubricated, it may be too much of a good thing. Perhaps you need a bit more friction. If so, keep a towel handy, pull out and pat yourself dry once in a while. Try positions where she can handle your balls. Sometimes a nice squeeze as you're getting close will do the trick.

Also, are you getting enough foreplay? We tend to concentrate on the fact that most women require it, but men do too. If all the action prior to intercourse is pleasing her, give her an opportunity to tease and stimulate you before the fucking begins.

Al

He Can't Orgasm II

Hey there Al,

I'm a 21 year old guy who has been masturbating since...oh, probably 13 or so...on average probably once or twice a day. When I'm 'flying solo' I have no problem having an orgasm - usually in no longer than 10 minutes, and likely less if I have an internet connection or xxx mag handy. However, when I'm with my girlfriend, I can't cum! Intercourse, handjobs, oral sex...nothing really works. She's a beautiful girl with a spectacular body, so attraction is really not the problem (I've had the same issue with a past gf, and also in a homosexual experience from when I was younger - so it's not that I'm just not into women).

I think that part of the problem is that, when I masturbate, I move my hand really quickly...unfortunately, masturbating slower will not make me orgasm, regardless of how long I go for. I've tried refraining from masturbating for a few days before sex, but that doesn't help...this is really starting to become an issue in my relationship, and it's starting to push me and my girlfriend apart sexually.

What steps could I take to fix this problem??

Thanks so much,

Better Soon Than Never

Dear Soon,

It's not unusual for guys to stroke fast when masturbating. It is possible that you've done it with such vigor that you've desensitized yourself. If you aren't, try using lubes and touching a bit more gently. At least start slow and when you're close do the speed-up thing.

If this (not reaching orgasm) just occurred during handjobs and blowjobs it wouldn't be that unusual. For that, I'd just suggest that your GF bring you as close as she can and you finish the job, freeing her hands and mouth to help in other ways.

But when it comes to intercourse, that's a different story. Have you tried different positions? I'd go for something that permits you to thrust with greatest control and the most friction. One other thought: Some ball play as you're screwing might help. For instance, if you're in doggie position, can she reach back and fondle your boys? That might be just the thing you need to take you over the top.

Look, it's more common for women to be challenged in reaching orgasm and it's up to their partners to do whatever they can to help. So while this is a less common problem, if you're with the right girl she'll work with you on this. Just make sure you're taking care of her needs.

Until you find success, I suggest you partake in activities that bring her pleasure and satisfaction and then, as suggested above, let her help you while you masturbate to a climax. There is no "right" way to have sex, and the important thing is that you participate in each others' pleasure. That's what brings true intimacy.

Al

The sensitive type

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