Masturbation Frustration

Throwing this one to the readers; please help the girl by sharing your experiences.

Dear Aspasia and Smack

I am have a masturbation problem. When i masturbate i always start with my clit, and when it starts to throb is when i start to penetrate myself with my fingers or dildo. The thing is, penetration is not enough for me...I need to rub my clit at the same time. It is the only way i can cum.

I have tried to just finger myself or use the dildo with out rubbing my clit, but i cant. What bothers me is that i 'have' to rub my clit to have a successful orgasm. another thing that bothers me is that when my boyfriend and i have sex...am i going to orgasm? He has fingered me numerous times and I still must rub my clit to cum. He has tried each time without rubbing my cilt but it has no effect to me. What do i do?

I don't like having to rub my clit each time, i mean yes i like to orgasm but I would like to cum having other options to do so. Is there something that could help me?

Pornography Downloads

Dear ladies,

Are there any FREE educational or explicit sex acts on the internet that do not screw up any given computers or PCs without pop ups selling annoying security risks or trying to sell them by constant warnings and threats....???

Help!
Porn-frustrated

Dear porn-fiend,

I actually find youporn.com quite good and also xnxx.com quite good. XNXX has a variety of things on offer including he option for still shots and movies.YouPorn is great for longer films but mostly amateur users. You should be able to get software that blocks ALL Pop-ups, porn-related or not so maybe ask a friend who is internet minded to give you a hand.
If you're 'that' into your porn, you should consider paying for the site that you really love and avoiding the lot! After all, to clean your pc of virus and spy-ware (installed via pop-ups) is more costly than a subscription, no?

Keep us posted!
Smack

At least he's not going blind!

Subject: Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome

I am a 23 year old guy, and I recently came across a website that talks about "traumatic masturbatory syndrome". Supposedly this syndrome is caused by masturbating prone (lying face down), and can cause multiple dysfunctions. This is starting to worry me, as that is the way I tend to masturbate. Is this a problem that really happens are is there nothing to worry about?

Signed,
A worried guy

Dear Worried,

When I saw your subject line I thought this was going to be about repeatedly getting caught by your mother.

But now you made me do some reading out there on the internets, and there are definitely mixed opinions ranging from "it will definitely screw up your sex life" to "don't worry bub."

The issue is evidently that for some guys who jerk off in a prone position, they have difficulty having an orgasm when having sex with a partner, and may even have trouble getting an erection. Those guys have to stop masturbating this way and retrain their sexual response, which can be done successfully. So the experts are not saying you are physically damaging your ding-dong.

If you have a sex life with someone other than yourself and it is just fine, I would say you shouldn't be concerned, but be aware of any changes.

If you only "tend" to masturbate this way, that is probably a good thing as you have not trained yourself to respond to only one form of stimulation.

What I found interesting in this reading was the claim that most men masturbate while lying on their backs. That's how I first tried it and I found it does not work for me. My point is that we're all different.

If you have not been in a sexual relationship since you started masturbating in this fashion, I would encourage you to vary your routine, just as a precaution. You might discover some fun ways to make yourself happy that can eventually carry over to such a relationship. Try standing. See if looking at yourself in a mirror helps. Use your extra hand in different ways -- stimulating your nipples, balls, or any part of your body that wants it. See what the difference is whether you do or don't use lube. Also, even in the prone position, if you are lying on a hard surface such as the floor, try something softer like a bed.

Al

He Can't Orgasm II

Hey there Al,

I'm a 21 year old guy who has been masturbating since...oh, probably 13 or so...on average probably once or twice a day. When I'm 'flying solo' I have no problem having an orgasm - usually in no longer than 10 minutes, and likely less if I have an internet connection or xxx mag handy. However, when I'm with my girlfriend, I can't cum! Intercourse, handjobs, oral sex...nothing really works. She's a beautiful girl with a spectacular body, so attraction is really not the problem (I've had the same issue with a past gf, and also in a homosexual experience from when I was younger - so it's not that I'm just not into women).

I think that part of the problem is that, when I masturbate, I move my hand really quickly...unfortunately, masturbating slower will not make me orgasm, regardless of how long I go for. I've tried refraining from masturbating for a few days before sex, but that doesn't help...this is really starting to become an issue in my relationship, and it's starting to push me and my girlfriend apart sexually.

What steps could I take to fix this problem??

Thanks so much,

Better Soon Than Never

Dear Soon,

It's not unusual for guys to stroke fast when masturbating. It is possible that you've done it with such vigor that you've desensitized yourself. If you aren't, try using lubes and touching a bit more gently. At least start slow and when you're close do the speed-up thing.

If this (not reaching orgasm) just occurred during handjobs and blowjobs it wouldn't be that unusual. For that, I'd just suggest that your GF bring you as close as she can and you finish the job, freeing her hands and mouth to help in other ways.

But when it comes to intercourse, that's a different story. Have you tried different positions? I'd go for something that permits you to thrust with greatest control and the most friction. One other thought: Some ball play as you're screwing might help. For instance, if you're in doggie position, can she reach back and fondle your boys? That might be just the thing you need to take you over the top.

Look, it's more common for women to be challenged in reaching orgasm and it's up to their partners to do whatever they can to help. So while this is a less common problem, if you're with the right girl she'll work with you on this. Just make sure you're taking care of her needs.

Until you find success, I suggest you partake in activities that bring her pleasure and satisfaction and then, as suggested above, let her help you while you masturbate to a climax. There is no "right" way to have sex, and the important thing is that you participate in each others' pleasure. That's what brings true intimacy.

Al

Worried and Overwhelmed

I'm at a younger age (that shan't be mentioned) in my life, and I find myself horny quite often, even in places I shouldn't feel so at all. And most nights, I find myself masturbating until I'm exhausted. For quite a while my orgasms have been wonderful, lacking in nothing, and leaving me breathless and unable to move at times. But lately, I find them less intense, and it worries me somewhat. Have I perhaps damaged something? Over-used it perhaps? I don't have a partner, and if I don't masturbate, it drives me insane. Is there some way I can make the orgasms better? Techniques or anything?

Sincerely,
Worried and Overwhelmed

Dear Clit/Penis abuser,

Its important that you develop a better way of communicating and listening to your vadge and clitoris, or penis. You don’t specify if you’re a beautiful woman or a young buck, but either way you need to start listening to your body. Your mind whilst it is the most important organ in your body will not help your body enjoy orgasms if they're not in sweet harmony. I think you need to calm down, and re-assess your masturbation schedule. Have a date with your body. Don’t just beat it like it owes you money. Plan, prepare. Have a nice dinner, a hot soak in the tub and then gently coax your body into play. We don’t do this every night, and nor should your clit/penis.

I’m guessing you’ve beaten your bits into a sensitive submission and they will not return until you ease up and show some respect!

PS. You have not specified your age so I have given you the benefit of doubt but please note for future reference, Aspasia Fern, Al Sensu and myself can only provide advice for people 18 years and over.

Much luv,
Smack.

Panty Raid

Dear Al:

Ever since I was an early age I have always liked panties. I dont even care if they are clean, as long as I can have a wank with them I dont care.

Am I kinky PR or What?

* * * * *

Well you're definitely not Kinky Friedman.

Look, I believe in "free to be, you and me." Doesn't matter if it's kinky. My only rule is that you do no harm. If you are obtaining the panties in a legal, legitimate way -- whether buying them new at Wal-Mart or used on eBay, it's just fine.

If you are in a relationship, or find yourself in one in the future, this is something you shouldn't be ashamed of or feel you have to hide. Yes, some women will find this icky. Those are not the women for you.

Wank on!

Al

Masturbation

Dear Honey:

I cannot masturbate.

It's not that I don't know how to, and it's not that I'm not horny because, trust me, I am! Basically every time I begin to finger or pleasure myself in any way I lose interest after about 10 seconds. It's not just me either, whenever I'm with a man its the same deal,

Horny as no other one-second and wondering what groceries I need to pick up the next. Please help!

Thanks,
Severely Unsatisfied

Hi Unsatisfied,
You know, it’s important that you know how your body works and what turns you on. For some women, mentally preparing a grocery list MAY be the elixir to making her wet and aroused. For others, it’s the deep secret fantasy that she’s having wild monkey sex with the pool guy while her husband is at work, or better: watching.

Women need mental stimulation. So my advice is to FOCUS GIRL and concentrate on an image, scene, sexual memory, or fantasy that will have your fingers doing the walking in no time. No woman would like a partner to spend a mere 10 seconds on pleasuring us; and nor should your body settle for 10 brief seconds with your fingers. Even if you have the attention span of a stapler, you have to focus, concentrate and make sure your fingers are wet.

Also, don’t just focus on your clitoris and vadge. Start with a candlelight shower, put a lovely cd on, watch a porn movie if you’re feeling nasty, or pretend someone is in bed with you and its THEIR hands. You wouldn’t like it if he went straight for the love canal, and nor should you. Start at the top and work your way down. Stroke your face, your nipples in a sensual circular motion. Knead your breasts, and close your eyes and concentrate. Eventually your hands can trail downstairs and take you to that lovely throbbing place you deserve. Keep it wet, small circles, apply a little pressure here and there and imagine....

If you find that the grocery list gets in the way, imagine a guy eating you out while you’re making the grocery list. It’s in your imagination and your imagination has the power to take you to many places. You’ve just gotta unlock it…

If you're successful in achieving the Big O, please write back and let us know how it worked for you.

If you're not successful, we can re-look at the issue.

Happy rubbin'
Smack