He Can't Orgasm III

Dear Al,

I have been with my girlfriend for a while now and we have a great sex life. The sex is great! I always am erected ready to go, but when it comes time to cum I never can do it. On the other hand, if she gives me a hand job i can ejaculate right away. Is there any way of my changing this? Thank you very much

MC

Dear MC,

At least you're a step ahead of the last guy. As I said to him, you may need to vary how you engage in intercourse. Try positions that give you the most control over your sensations. Also, if your girlfriend tends to be highly lubricated, it may be too much of a good thing. Perhaps you need a bit more friction. If so, keep a towel handy, pull out and pat yourself dry once in a while. Try positions where she can handle your balls. Sometimes a nice squeeze as you're getting close will do the trick.

Also, are you getting enough foreplay? We tend to concentrate on the fact that most women require it, but men do too. If all the action prior to intercourse is pleasing her, give her an opportunity to tease and stimulate you before the fucking begins.

Al

He Can't Orgasm II

Hey there Al,

I'm a 21 year old guy who has been masturbating since...oh, probably 13 or so...on average probably once or twice a day. When I'm 'flying solo' I have no problem having an orgasm - usually in no longer than 10 minutes, and likely less if I have an internet connection or xxx mag handy. However, when I'm with my girlfriend, I can't cum! Intercourse, handjobs, oral sex...nothing really works. She's a beautiful girl with a spectacular body, so attraction is really not the problem (I've had the same issue with a past gf, and also in a homosexual experience from when I was younger - so it's not that I'm just not into women).

I think that part of the problem is that, when I masturbate, I move my hand really quickly...unfortunately, masturbating slower will not make me orgasm, regardless of how long I go for. I've tried refraining from masturbating for a few days before sex, but that doesn't help...this is really starting to become an issue in my relationship, and it's starting to push me and my girlfriend apart sexually.

What steps could I take to fix this problem??

Thanks so much,

Better Soon Than Never

Dear Soon,

It's not unusual for guys to stroke fast when masturbating. It is possible that you've done it with such vigor that you've desensitized yourself. If you aren't, try using lubes and touching a bit more gently. At least start slow and when you're close do the speed-up thing.

If this (not reaching orgasm) just occurred during handjobs and blowjobs it wouldn't be that unusual. For that, I'd just suggest that your GF bring you as close as she can and you finish the job, freeing her hands and mouth to help in other ways.

But when it comes to intercourse, that's a different story. Have you tried different positions? I'd go for something that permits you to thrust with greatest control and the most friction. One other thought: Some ball play as you're screwing might help. For instance, if you're in doggie position, can she reach back and fondle your boys? That might be just the thing you need to take you over the top.

Look, it's more common for women to be challenged in reaching orgasm and it's up to their partners to do whatever they can to help. So while this is a less common problem, if you're with the right girl she'll work with you on this. Just make sure you're taking care of her needs.

Until you find success, I suggest you partake in activities that bring her pleasure and satisfaction and then, as suggested above, let her help you while you masturbate to a climax. There is no "right" way to have sex, and the important thing is that you participate in each others' pleasure. That's what brings true intimacy.

Al

He Can't Orgasm

Dear Honey,

My dear friend is driving me crazy with her endless phone calls about a man she is seeing. She says he is extremely sexual, there is lots of foreplay, he is rock hard, but in the ten or so times they've had sex, he's never had an orgasm.

He has outright stated to her that he thinks she is using him for sex, and that he doesn't trust women. But she is fond of him and tells him otherwise. In most other areas, he is very kind and affectionate. They even went away this weekend with their respective children. I think this whole scenario is odd but beyond that, I have no advice for her.

She is 46; he is 45 and a doctor. He brags to her about his knowledge of female anatomy (which I find odd, also). Why would a man have no trouble getting hard, and in fact be a bit of a braggadocio about his sexual finesse and then not orgasm?

Unfortunately, she won't approach a discussion with him about this.

Thank you,

A good friend (or trying to be)

Dear good friend,

Maybe he’s gay and doesn’t know it. I think he’s trying to kid himself by bragging about his anatomical knowledge and what not.

I’ve known closeted gay guys to be extremely sexual and very in tune with a women’s body, because they are over-compensating for their lack of real interest or he's faking it to himself. Real interest = real orgasms. Or, perhaps he needs to seek medical advice outside of himself!

Before she invests any further time with him, (especially with her children) I would be getting advice from a gay advice line and let their gaydar knowledge set her free into a land of orgasming, straight men that she so obviously deserves.

This is about your friend more than him. If she wants to stay with a man that doesn't trust women and be used as a whipping post for all things anti-women, than maybe it is HER that has the problem with accepting less than she deserves.

The fact that she won't approach a discussion with him about this is a warning sign in itself.

Until she decides to talk to him about it, I would ask that she stop whining about it to you.

He's either gay, a mysognist or needs to see a doctor. Either way, it is not her problem to deal with.

Much luv
Smack,