Lost Libido

Hey there!

I am a 23 year old young woman and I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 5 years now and have been living together for most of that time. We have a very healthy Affectionate relationship but it's rarely physical if you catch my drift. I'm talking maybe once or twice a month on average. We have good honest communication and I have talked to him many times about my concerns for his unusually low sex drive.

In the past he had an addiction to masturbation I guess you could call it, and he would rather do that then be with me. I offered to watch, or do it together, or act out a porn, anything. Eventually this became such an issue with me he stopped masturbating all the time but the problem is he still doesn't crave sex. He says he desires me but it rarely goes further than words.

Then I thought maybe it had to do with alcohol. Being 24 and a college student, well those things go hand in hand right? But recently we have been dieting and exercising, cutting out the mickey d's and beer. Well, that hasn't really changed anything either.

I have tried toys, costumes, role-playing and at one point I suggested we have an open relationship, and while I took advantage of the situation quite a few times, he saw maybe one other girl. Then we tried to swing for awhile with a couple of our more kinky friends and he enjoyed that but I didn't so we were back at square one because really al I want is him and well...he doesn't seem to want anything. I feel like I have tried everything, Talking, yelling, crying, ignoring the situation and it seems no matter what I do we have a nice long talk.............and then no sex. I don't know what to do. I want to marry this guy; He is so smart, handsome, sexy and fun. He has a good heart and we talk very good care of each other.......except in the sack.

But....I don't want that kind of passionless marriage. I've told him so but, like I said, we talk it out and then there is no closure, no proof, NO SEX, to prove it. What do I do 10 years down the line when he doesn't want it all??

Anyway, is it me? What in the world do I try next? I am so sick of getting myself off to trashy romance novels and I hate watching porn all by myself, it makes me feel very.....lonely. In any case, can you help me?

Sincerely,
Sexually Ignored

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Dear Ignored,

He’s just not that into you.

Any guy who is addicted to masturbation does not have a low sex drive. There is something weird and unhealthy about him and your relationship. This is one horny guy, yet he won’t have sex with you and prefers to giver up masturbation to prove he’s not highly sexed. What you don’t have is honest communication.

I think therapy is needed here, but before you go as a couple, he should go himself. I suspect that he was abused and may not feel capable of “normal” sex, which is why he’s OK with wanking and swinging.

In the meantime, stick by him if you wish, but do not get married. And if he resists therapy, say goodbye now. You are in the prime of life and he won’t change without help. There is no reason for you to settle for this relationship.

Al Sensu

Guest Writer - Al Sensu

Don't forget to drop by tomorrow. if you haven't read the al sensu interview or his sparkling advice, be sure to do just that.

love,

af

Male Chastity

Dear Al:

I have gotten used to wearing a chastity device (CB-3000) most of the time and my wife often demands that I put it on. It seems like more and more women are finding out about male chastity and the benefits it offers. Sales certainly seem to be soaring. Do you think that one day most married men will be kept faithful to their wife this way?

Signed,
Bob
Dear Bob,

Only the pussies who agree to put those on will be kept faithful that way. You wouldn’t have the balls to fuck someone other than your wife, and prefer having the excuse of the device. “Sorry, baby, I’d love to do you, but I’m wearing the CB-3000.”

The true appeal of this for you is that you get turned on by being controlled and denied. I can see that it must build you up to some screaming climaxes. That’s if your wife permits you to have any. If it works for you, stick with it.

Al Sensu

Confused Housewife

Hi,

Let's start with a tiny back story:

I dated this guy for a while (9 months) but he was my first boyfriend, so nothing really happened because both of us were afraid. We broke up and about a year later he dated my best friend.

Now, lately, I've been talking to someone I know through a friend. We've talked on the Internet, but nothing in the nature of the cuddling or obviously flirtatious actions have occurred. The man that I had been dating for nine months has suddenly become very...clingy. I don't know why, but he has. And it hasn't been with everybody either, just me. Now, this is confusing me. It's not just that he's being all cuddly and whatnot.

It's that HE is the one initiating everything. When I noticed it, we were at our friend's house for a small movie night. Needless to say, the movie didn't get watched. My friends all decided to act like children and have a pillow fight. I didn't get to participate, however, because he and I had disappeared to pet the dog and then decided to hide when they realized we were gone. We managed to stay hidden for about an hour and a half.

He got the bright idea to trick them into thinking we'd had sex. Nothing extravagant. Just a few messed clothes and fluffed hair. Our friends tend to jump to conclusions when they see some skin from one and a shirt going back on the other. But ever since then, he's been unusually...close.

Also, when we were talking about what we were looking for (romantically of course) he had made some comment about "friends-with-benefits."I'm wondering what to do. If I should go back to him if that's what he's looking for... or if I should meet the one I've been talking to online and see how things go?

Please offer just a tiny bit of a nudge,

Oddly Confused Woman

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Dear Oddly Confused Woman:

You know, doll, I don't think you have to go making decisions at this juncture. There seems to be a lot of mutual flirtation from both your online and offline dick. Why not enjoy both and see where they take you? You seem to be enjoying both.

Be candid and honest with both. You've never met the online guy. Now, I know I don't HAVE to say this, but I'm going to. If you meet him, please make sure that you meet in a well lit crowded venue. The Internet is an exciting place, but it can also be dangerous if we don't have our wits about us. Be smart. Capisce?

Have fun. Be safe and be honest. It's all about the journey, not the destination. Cliche enough? Still. It's very true.

Good luck.

Love,

AF

ErotischismAl

Don't forget to stop by again soon! Aspasia Fern is dishing out one hell of a wood fest. We've got an interview with none other than Al Sensu, a well known erotic writer on Literotica.

Al is the author of the fabulous blog, Erotischism, where he spins fantasy fuck yarns that will make your vulva lips twitch and your cock rock hard.

You can find adjunct, hysterical sex dish on Al's other blog, Hard and Fast.

PS: Al is also answering four readers questions! I'm so excited.

Don't forget to stop by tomorrow... To be posted by 1PM PST.

Love,
AF

Three Most Erotic Movies

A reader asks:

I need guidance in finding the most XXX-rated erotic films (American or foreign) of all time. Today’s porno films are purely graphical with no emotions. They're boring to watch. A good erotic film has acting and feels like the actors are experiencing the whole sex thing with nice graphics. Any advice?

I did a search on the net and all I found were reviews, which didn't seem to cover what I am looking for.

Thanks,
XXX-Film Lover

Readers, please respond to xxx lovah's query in the comment section. If anyone knows XXX, it's my team. Come on, babies. Bring it home for mama!

Triple X Movies

Don't be shy now... Leave comments. Gahead. I've had a lot of lovely visitors (thank you), but no comments! Spill. I'm all eyes.

Love,
AF

PS: Don't forget to read today's reader question that YOU must answer!