Confused Housewife

Hi,

Let's start with a tiny back story:

I dated this guy for a while (9 months) but he was my first boyfriend, so nothing really happened because both of us were afraid. We broke up and about a year later he dated my best friend.

Now, lately, I've been talking to someone I know through a friend. We've talked on the Internet, but nothing in the nature of the cuddling or obviously flirtatious actions have occurred. The man that I had been dating for nine months has suddenly become very...clingy. I don't know why, but he has. And it hasn't been with everybody either, just me. Now, this is confusing me. It's not just that he's being all cuddly and whatnot.

It's that HE is the one initiating everything. When I noticed it, we were at our friend's house for a small movie night. Needless to say, the movie didn't get watched. My friends all decided to act like children and have a pillow fight. I didn't get to participate, however, because he and I had disappeared to pet the dog and then decided to hide when they realized we were gone. We managed to stay hidden for about an hour and a half.

He got the bright idea to trick them into thinking we'd had sex. Nothing extravagant. Just a few messed clothes and fluffed hair. Our friends tend to jump to conclusions when they see some skin from one and a shirt going back on the other. But ever since then, he's been unusually...close.

Also, when we were talking about what we were looking for (romantically of course) he had made some comment about "friends-with-benefits."I'm wondering what to do. If I should go back to him if that's what he's looking for... or if I should meet the one I've been talking to online and see how things go?

Please offer just a tiny bit of a nudge,

Oddly Confused Woman

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Dear Oddly Confused Woman:

You know, doll, I don't think you have to go making decisions at this juncture. There seems to be a lot of mutual flirtation from both your online and offline dick. Why not enjoy both and see where they take you? You seem to be enjoying both.

Be candid and honest with both. You've never met the online guy. Now, I know I don't HAVE to say this, but I'm going to. If you meet him, please make sure that you meet in a well lit crowded venue. The Internet is an exciting place, but it can also be dangerous if we don't have our wits about us. Be smart. Capisce?

Have fun. Be safe and be honest. It's all about the journey, not the destination. Cliche enough? Still. It's very true.

Good luck.

Love,

AF

ErotischismAl

Don't forget to stop by again soon! Aspasia Fern is dishing out one hell of a wood fest. We've got an interview with none other than Al Sensu, a well known erotic writer on Literotica.

Al is the author of the fabulous blog, Erotischism, where he spins fantasy fuck yarns that will make your vulva lips twitch and your cock rock hard.

You can find adjunct, hysterical sex dish on Al's other blog, Hard and Fast.

PS: Al is also answering four readers questions! I'm so excited.

Don't forget to stop by tomorrow... To be posted by 1PM PST.

Love,
AF

Three Most Erotic Movies

A reader asks:

I need guidance in finding the most XXX-rated erotic films (American or foreign) of all time. Today’s porno films are purely graphical with no emotions. They're boring to watch. A good erotic film has acting and feels like the actors are experiencing the whole sex thing with nice graphics. Any advice?

I did a search on the net and all I found were reviews, which didn't seem to cover what I am looking for.

Thanks,
XXX-Film Lover

Readers, please respond to xxx lovah's query in the comment section. If anyone knows XXX, it's my team. Come on, babies. Bring it home for mama!

Triple X Movies

Don't be shy now... Leave comments. Gahead. I've had a lot of lovely visitors (thank you), but no comments! Spill. I'm all eyes.

Love,
AF

PS: Don't forget to read today's reader question that YOU must answer!

Gay Or Bi?

About 3 years ago, I started becoming attracted to men and wondering what it would be like to be with a man. I was over at my brother's one evening, telling him about my feelings. That I was attracted to men and that I wanted to suck a man's cock and see if that was what I really wanted.
My brother is gay and has a lover that I am attracted to. That night we watched gay porn together and I became very aroused. I started playing with my brother's lover's cock and before I knew it, I went down on him. He's about 8 inches. I couldn't stop, I liked it so much.
I have been with another man and I enjoyed being with him, too. All I think about is having sex with him. I've been marred for 33 years and I'm not attracted to her anymore. The only thing I can think about is the feel of a man next to me and his cock in my mouth. His hot cum.
Please answer if you can.
Thanks,
TS
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Dear TS:
Look at you, ya big cock suckin' queen, you! sounds like you could give us all a lesson on suckage, huh?
I take it your wife doesn't know about your new procolivity? Why haven't you told her? What are you afraid will happen? Are you ready to end this relationship and move into this new phase of your life?
See, here's the thing, you want to always treat people as you would want to be treated. If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you want to know? Is this a secret that you'd want kept from you? I suspect it isn't.
Weigh the consequences of your actions and all of the possible outcomes. Address your fears and figure out how best to proceed. If you know in your heart you want to live your life as a gay man, that's a beautiful choice, too. I'm sure she would appreciate being in a relationship with a man who genuinely wants to be with her, too.
After 33-years of marriage, I hope you can speak honestly and lovingly, so that you can both move forward and build happy lives. Who knows, maybe ya's could even be friends!
Please keep me posted.
Love,
AF

Bunny - Transsexual Goddess

A few weeks ago, I got an email from Bunny, asking me about sex after gender reassignment surgery (You will find the answer to Bunny's original query in a separate post). We got to chatting via email and she's such a lovely bird. She's very direct and comfortable with herself and the choice that she's made to become a woman.

I asked her if she would let me interview her because let's face it, we all have a million questions, don't we? When you know you're trapped inside a body that doesn't belong to you. Sexual desires and concerns post-op, and of course the transition process. So, I hocked. We dished.

Meet the Goddess that is... Bunny

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Aspasia: Though you were born a man, at what age do you recall feeling like a woman?

Bunny: At the very early age of 7, I recall putting on my moms compressed foundation face powder and looking into the mirror and feeling a connection, much like a jigsaw piece fitting into another jigsaw piece until the puzzle is complete. I felt an intimate connection with my mother and was able to easily reach out to other women and identify with them.

Aspasia: How did you deal with the conflict of feeling like a woman, but being a biological male?

Bunny: I could easily relate to and regard my female side as my sensitive side. As I grew up, that evolved into sensuality. I always admired women for their intelligence and their beauty as well as their sensitivity.

Aspasia: Were you attracted to men, women or both?

Bunny: I was and remain attracted to both men and women. I am more attracted to women because of their sensitivity and sensuality.

Aspasia: At what age did you start living like a woman?

Bunny: At the age of 25 is when I felt it was right to start living as a transvestite or a she-male. I did that for 10 years.

Aspasia: What was that transition like?

Bunny: Transition wasn’t easy because of my body had physical limitations coping with the HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy). Once my body could handle the HRT, I was able to deal with the cosmetic aspects of transitioning, like facial hair removal via Laser Hair removal & voice retraining.

Aspasia: How long does the physical transition take?

Bunny: It varies from person to person. Mine took 7-years. When I first started, I was taking the medication for a physical gender change, not the operation. The physical gender change was the forming of my hips, the fattening of my legs and the feminising of my face and other factors, too.

Aspasia: What made you decide to have the operation?

Bunny: I wasn’t going to per se. Over time, when I saw that other women could describe their physical experiences, and my girlfriend, as in best friend girlfriend, encouraged me, I was able to be my true self. Had I not had that encouragement, I would forever wonder what would’ve been. In the end, I decided to go for the operation and I’m glad I did.

Aspasia: Did you share this with your family? If so, how did they react?

Bunny: My family didn’t like it at all. They have not been able to come to terms with my choice, despite many meetings with them to find a compromise. After 3 years of going back and forth, I decided that my happiness was more of a priority than compromising for my family. After all, I could still talk to my family over the phone. Meeting face to face was and still is out of the question. This is the compromise I had to live and the sacrifice I had to make in order to be happy. To this day they are happy with this compromise.

Aspasia: What were your hopes related to the operation and what were your fears?

Bunny: That I would die on the operating table! But, I went under general anesthetic as a man. I passed out within10 seconds and woke up three hours later as a woman.

Aspasia: What do you have to go through to transition physically from male to female?

Bunny:
1) I had to change my name from male to female
2) I had to get a referral from my General Practitioner to the gender identity clinic
3) I had to live as a woman full-time for 2 years and had to work or take a volunteer position as a woman.
4) I had to convince the NHS (National Health System), known as the PCT (Primary Care Trust) to fund my gender assignment surgery on the NHS.

Aspasia: Now that you are a full fledged vadge, how does it feel?

Bunny: It really feels sensational and like a silky beautiful kitty! Much like this HOT-WET-SEA! For me it was well worth the wait. Now I don’t need to cover myself up or feel embarrassed or awkward at the prospect of being discovered. I’m not in pain. I don’t have to compromise. Now, I can appreciate the vulnerability aspect a woman might feel meeting a man. I can also relate more when women talk of this instead of me being annoyed that they cannot trust me.

Asapasia: Sexually, what are you looking forward to?

Bunny: Being lovingly and gently touched and gently penetrated. BUT, intelligent conversation IS A MUST FIRST!

Aspasia: Sexually, what are you most concerned about?

Bunny: Sexual Diseases. But, since I am always getting myself checked, this shouldn’t be an issue. I’m just very mindful of it. Also, I must learn that I need to go slow in terms of finding someone. I need to heal and rebuild my confidence. I’m reinventing myself!

Ain't she a hunny that Bunny?! if you have questions for Bunny, please feel free to email me or leave a comment in the comment section and Bunny will respond.

Thank you, Bunny!!!

Boyfriends' Ex

Hi Aspasia:

I know that you normally give out sex rather than relationship advice but there's an issue between my boyfriend and I that has been bugging me for months and I'm trying to get as many opinions about it as possible.

I am having real problems concerning my boyfriends ex. Despite her breaking up with him three years ago, they remain good friends and it drives me up the wall. I knew about his friendship with her right form the start and at the beginning of the relationship I didn't have a problem with it. But then when it was her birthday last year she invited my boyfriend and loads of other mates out for the evening.

Now, if I'm organizing a night out with friends and I know that any of them are in a relationship, I will invite their partner too. To not do so is rude. So was I invited? No.

I spent the entire evening and most of the night in floods of tears, panicking about what was happening. I was absolutely convinced that the reason I wasn't invited was because she wanted to get back together with him. Now every time he goes to see her, I have the same fears.

My boyfriend has reassured me that that isn't going to happen and that they would never get back together.

This leads me to think that I was left out for one of three reasons. She's rude, she's lying to my boyfriend when she says that she likes me and excluded me because of this or she has the sensitivity and awareness of a brick. Surely anyone with even the slightest concern for the feelings of other people would realize that it would be perfectly normal for me to have concerns about their relationship.

I've told my boyfriend how I feel about her and he just dismisses my fears. He can get very defensive about their relationship and that makes me think that he still has feelings for her. He says that if I got to know her then I'd like her but as far as I'm concerned she had her chance and she blew it. When he tells me that I'm worrying about nothing, it makes me think that my opinion doesn't matter to him and when he goes to see her knowing that it upsets me, it makes me feel like he doesn't care. I feel like he's picking her over me. I just wish I could make him see my point of view.

Thanks in advance for the help,
Worried and concerned

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Dear Worried and Concerned,

Someone just won outstanding prick of the year! Bravo, boyfriend. Would you like to give a speech?

Girlfriend (love that, it’s so Ricki-Lake-Sally-Jesse), if it walks like a duck and it talks like a duck, it’s a duck! If your gut is telling you that something is up or that he still has feelings for her, you are probably correct. It’s all about actions and less about words. Erase what he’s been saying the past few months and ask yourself how he’s been acting.

Honey, this isn’t about her at all. This is about your boyfriend and his inability to prioritize you over her, and the repercussions of that on you. it sounds like you’re slipping into the abyss of envy-land, a place consumed by fear. Where we forget what’s important to us and what we want.

You have to go with your gut on this. The worst case scenario here is that you break up. Yes, your heart will be broken. Yes, it will hurt. But, you will get through it and you will move on stronger and more enlightened, keenly aware of what to look for when circumstances such as this arise. And, you will find someone even better. Please keep me posted.

Love,

Aspasia