Boyfriends' Ex

Hi Aspasia:

I know that you normally give out sex rather than relationship advice but there's an issue between my boyfriend and I that has been bugging me for months and I'm trying to get as many opinions about it as possible.

I am having real problems concerning my boyfriends ex. Despite her breaking up with him three years ago, they remain good friends and it drives me up the wall. I knew about his friendship with her right form the start and at the beginning of the relationship I didn't have a problem with it. But then when it was her birthday last year she invited my boyfriend and loads of other mates out for the evening.

Now, if I'm organizing a night out with friends and I know that any of them are in a relationship, I will invite their partner too. To not do so is rude. So was I invited? No.

I spent the entire evening and most of the night in floods of tears, panicking about what was happening. I was absolutely convinced that the reason I wasn't invited was because she wanted to get back together with him. Now every time he goes to see her, I have the same fears.

My boyfriend has reassured me that that isn't going to happen and that they would never get back together.

This leads me to think that I was left out for one of three reasons. She's rude, she's lying to my boyfriend when she says that she likes me and excluded me because of this or she has the sensitivity and awareness of a brick. Surely anyone with even the slightest concern for the feelings of other people would realize that it would be perfectly normal for me to have concerns about their relationship.

I've told my boyfriend how I feel about her and he just dismisses my fears. He can get very defensive about their relationship and that makes me think that he still has feelings for her. He says that if I got to know her then I'd like her but as far as I'm concerned she had her chance and she blew it. When he tells me that I'm worrying about nothing, it makes me think that my opinion doesn't matter to him and when he goes to see her knowing that it upsets me, it makes me feel like he doesn't care. I feel like he's picking her over me. I just wish I could make him see my point of view.

Thanks in advance for the help,
Worried and concerned

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Dear Worried and Concerned,

Someone just won outstanding prick of the year! Bravo, boyfriend. Would you like to give a speech?

Girlfriend (love that, it’s so Ricki-Lake-Sally-Jesse), if it walks like a duck and it talks like a duck, it’s a duck! If your gut is telling you that something is up or that he still has feelings for her, you are probably correct. It’s all about actions and less about words. Erase what he’s been saying the past few months and ask yourself how he’s been acting.

Honey, this isn’t about her at all. This is about your boyfriend and his inability to prioritize you over her, and the repercussions of that on you. it sounds like you’re slipping into the abyss of envy-land, a place consumed by fear. Where we forget what’s important to us and what we want.

You have to go with your gut on this. The worst case scenario here is that you break up. Yes, your heart will be broken. Yes, it will hurt. But, you will get through it and you will move on stronger and more enlightened, keenly aware of what to look for when circumstances such as this arise. And, you will find someone even better. Please keep me posted.

Love,

Aspasia

The Bitch is Back

I know, I know, I know. where the fuck have you been, Aspasia. you wretched whore. We hate you!
well don't delete me from your favorite places just yet. I have been in the kitchen brewing some fabulous ideas.

A new column to be posted this Friday, I promise! We're going to have some, oh so fabulous guest editors writing for us and sharing their sexiest pearls. dishy Q&A with some of our favorite sexsters and, oh gosh golly is this going to be such big screaming erect, pussy dripping fun. stay tuned and come back on Friday, June 15th, 2007 for more-more-more!

Update

Shalom beautiful babies. don't forget, tomorrow is shabbes and that means a new column is being posted. it's been a year! oy, can you believe it.

I'll be posting the column a little differently. four questions will be answered in separate posts. what will we be covering? this is a doozy, my friends. a reader asks, Aspasia, how can I make homemade cum? The response to that noshy-Q will be posted next week by our first guest editor! A delicious new post-op transsexual diva wants to know about the new titillation she's experiencing. A husband found his wife fucking... the dog and it wasn't their first time. awww. another brave reader is questioning his sexuality. is he gay or is he bi?

Come back tomorrow!

also.... once a week, I will be posting an email for reader responses! the first one will be posted on Saturday, June 15th.

My Wife and the Dog

Dear Aspasia:
I came home early from work and caught my wife having sex with our black lab. I thought he was just rubbing his penis under her vagina since I never realized that a woman and a dog could have sex. Sure, I had heard the stories about the woman and the donkey in Mexico. But, never thought that my wife of 22 year's would do something like this.
At first she tried to get loose, but Duke's large penis was too swollen and she was stuck. Then she just gave up and started to pump back on his penis. She had a huge orgasm and kept telling Duke what a great fuck he was.
When they were finally done, she told me that they had been doing it for over a year and I had to deal with it since she wasn't going to stop. I have to admit that I had a huge erection. Now I'm torn between sharing her or leaving.
Can you give me some advice?
Wally
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Dear Wally:

The wife's been shtupping the dog on the side. Oy vey a shmear. I'm so sorry! I can appreciate your conflict.

With respect to bestiality, I don't condone it. I've written about it quite a bit on Literotica. The reason I am so opposed to it is because it's not mutually consenting adult sex. A dog cannot say NO and therefore this action could be regarded as rape.

Ooh, I sound so judgmental.

The fact that you became aroused isn't necessarily a result of watching her fuck the dog. You were watching your wife of 22 years have an orgasm and that is what could've turned you on.

If she's unwilling to stop, you have to ask yourself how you feel about that and what specifically about it bothers you. I would imagine it brings up issues of insecurity, like, "what does he have that I don't". How does a two legged human compete with a four legged canine? Hmm...Should be no competition, right?! Who knew!



Once you isolate the issue, sit down with your wife and discuss it, openly, honestly and lovingly. Don't hold back. If she's unwilling to see it from your perspective or appreciate where you're coming from, the question then becomes, are you sure this isn't a byproduct of a much larger issue?

You see where I'm going with this?



Please keep us looped! Good luck.

Love,
af

Burns and Frustration

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What does she really mean?

Dear Aspasia:

I have been dating this woman for two months and things are great. She and I are both looking to meet someone to settle down and have a family and thus far we both have not been able to find the perfect match. There is a lot of chemistry between us and a lot of sexual attraction. Because of this, she has asked that we not have sex, just so that we both can get to know each other without sex clouding our judgment of each other. I would love to get to know her more...so I don't mind this, but I do miss the sex.

The problem is...whenever we are together, she is always kissing me and touching me and telling me how attracted she is to me. Should I respect her wishes and not have sex or just go for it. I'm fearful that if we just spend time together we will just become friends and the romantic part of the relationship will go away.

So what does she really mean when she says she doesn't want to have sex for a while? Can you translate for
me?

Signed,
J

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Dear J:


Hmm. isn’t this a pickle?! It seems to me that there is a big ol’ mixed message going on. Not just between you two, but for me too.

I’m unclear as to why you two have decided not to keep your hearts open to each other seeing as you’ve both decided to “hang out” until you meet your respective “life” partners.

On the one hand I’d say that she’s earmarked you as her surrogate, at her convenience, boyfriend – not in a cruel way, in more of a subconscious kind of way. On the other hand, she just might not know what she wants.

Here’s the thing… you have to assert what you want! If you want more, consider telling her that. But, you must be clear about what you want, and realize that because she might not be in the same place, you don’t want to phrase it like an ultimatum. You want to communicate the importance of the friendship and your desire to maintain that, if that’s important to you.

Good luck. Please keep me posted.

Love,
a

Separated

Dear Aspasia Fern:

I'm separated, 46 yrs old. please tell me, why is it, that I'm SO sexual and horny at home, and wanting to be with someone, but I cant seem to get myself out there and meet people? It’s like I live in a fantasy world at home, but I need ideas to help me get back outside in the land of real people. I would love to be loved again.


Sincerely,
Fantasy vs. Love

Dear Fantasy vs. Love:
You know, my dear, you are not alone. Many women, and men, experience what you’re going through. The uncertainty of how to put yourself out there after a long marriage, and these incredible sexual desires that feel as if they’ll never be fulfilled.

I have a few questions for you… are you chatting online and sexually expounding via instant messenger, chat rooms and email or are these fantasies tucked away inside your head? When you think of putting yourself out there, do you think of it in strictly sexual terms or dating terms? Does talking about your sexual proclivities seem like an insurmountable impossibility? Since your separation, have you been on any dates, if so, what was your experience of them? In your marriage, were you with a man who was sexually open? If not, and if you shared your desires with him, what was his reaction?


There are a few things that could be tripping you up. One possibility is your previous sexual relationship and how your husband responded to your needs. Another possibility is that you had a few strange and off-putting dates.


And, would you believe there are still even more possibilities?! I know, right? If you regard yourself as having bizarre sexual desires that judgment of yourself could make you feel like there’s something wrong with you. If this is the case, you should know that any mutually adult consenting sexual activity is perfectly normal and healthy.


Here’s the deal, sugar, you’re a great dame with a robust sexual appetite and you’re ready to date, even fall in love. Remember that you have a lot to offer someone and do things that make you feel sexy and attractive. A new haircut or style, manicure, hot outfit, some new ravishing lipstick, anything that makes you feel sensual and erotic. Hit some of the online dating sites. Post an ad on Literotica. Join a singles group in your area. Ask your friends if they know any single men they can set you up with. Go out with your girlfriends for fun, and some offline dating activities.


The most important thing is that you feel great about yourself, who you are and what you bring to the table --- free of judgment and always with an open heart. Please keep me looped.


Love,
AF