Separated

Dear Aspasia Fern:

I'm separated, 46 yrs old. please tell me, why is it, that I'm SO sexual and horny at home, and wanting to be with someone, but I cant seem to get myself out there and meet people? It’s like I live in a fantasy world at home, but I need ideas to help me get back outside in the land of real people. I would love to be loved again.


Sincerely,
Fantasy vs. Love

Dear Fantasy vs. Love:
You know, my dear, you are not alone. Many women, and men, experience what you’re going through. The uncertainty of how to put yourself out there after a long marriage, and these incredible sexual desires that feel as if they’ll never be fulfilled.

I have a few questions for you… are you chatting online and sexually expounding via instant messenger, chat rooms and email or are these fantasies tucked away inside your head? When you think of putting yourself out there, do you think of it in strictly sexual terms or dating terms? Does talking about your sexual proclivities seem like an insurmountable impossibility? Since your separation, have you been on any dates, if so, what was your experience of them? In your marriage, were you with a man who was sexually open? If not, and if you shared your desires with him, what was his reaction?


There are a few things that could be tripping you up. One possibility is your previous sexual relationship and how your husband responded to your needs. Another possibility is that you had a few strange and off-putting dates.


And, would you believe there are still even more possibilities?! I know, right? If you regard yourself as having bizarre sexual desires that judgment of yourself could make you feel like there’s something wrong with you. If this is the case, you should know that any mutually adult consenting sexual activity is perfectly normal and healthy.


Here’s the deal, sugar, you’re a great dame with a robust sexual appetite and you’re ready to date, even fall in love. Remember that you have a lot to offer someone and do things that make you feel sexy and attractive. A new haircut or style, manicure, hot outfit, some new ravishing lipstick, anything that makes you feel sensual and erotic. Hit some of the online dating sites. Post an ad on Literotica. Join a singles group in your area. Ask your friends if they know any single men they can set you up with. Go out with your girlfriends for fun, and some offline dating activities.


The most important thing is that you feel great about yourself, who you are and what you bring to the table --- free of judgment and always with an open heart. Please keep me looped.


Love,
AF