What does she really mean?

Dear Aspasia:

I have been dating this woman for two months and things are great. She and I are both looking to meet someone to settle down and have a family and thus far we both have not been able to find the perfect match. There is a lot of chemistry between us and a lot of sexual attraction. Because of this, she has asked that we not have sex, just so that we both can get to know each other without sex clouding our judgment of each other. I would love to get to know her more...so I don't mind this, but I do miss the sex.

The problem is...whenever we are together, she is always kissing me and touching me and telling me how attracted she is to me. Should I respect her wishes and not have sex or just go for it. I'm fearful that if we just spend time together we will just become friends and the romantic part of the relationship will go away.

So what does she really mean when she says she doesn't want to have sex for a while? Can you translate for
me?

Signed,
J

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Dear J:


Hmm. isn’t this a pickle?! It seems to me that there is a big ol’ mixed message going on. Not just between you two, but for me too.

I’m unclear as to why you two have decided not to keep your hearts open to each other seeing as you’ve both decided to “hang out” until you meet your respective “life” partners.

On the one hand I’d say that she’s earmarked you as her surrogate, at her convenience, boyfriend – not in a cruel way, in more of a subconscious kind of way. On the other hand, she just might not know what she wants.

Here’s the thing… you have to assert what you want! If you want more, consider telling her that. But, you must be clear about what you want, and realize that because she might not be in the same place, you don’t want to phrase it like an ultimatum. You want to communicate the importance of the friendship and your desire to maintain that, if that’s important to you.

Good luck. Please keep me posted.

Love,
a