Hi,
I am a 19 year old woman and i live with my fiance. I am his first serious girlfriend and his first sexual partner. We have been together for three years , but our sexual relationship is now getting more exciting, as we are learning how to please each other and becoming more open about sexual fantasies and desires. As it turns out, we both share a fantasy to have a threesome with another woman. Having discussed it in bed on a number of occasions (and had great sex thinking about it) we have decided that if we were to make it a reality, it would have to be with someone we both trusted to keep it private, and someone we felt comfortable with. My best friend is beautiful and would be the perfect person to share this experience with, however, i have two problems. One is that i am not sure if it would be dangerous for our relationship. I do not want to find myself getting jealous even though i trust them both, and i dont want to make things uneasy with both my fiance and my best friend. Id like to think i wouldnt get jealous but it may be different when im in the actual situation. A fantasy is great in my head, but would it become messy in reality? My other problem is that i dont know how to ask my friend without seeming sleazy or scaring her off. She has never been with a woman and i dont want to lose our friendship over something like this. How do we subtley let her know we are attracted to her and want to have sex with her? And should we even do it at all?
Thankyou.
Hey back to you! :)
I would advise you to think long and hard about the positives and negatives with having the 3some with your man and your best friend. There are a few things to think about. First of all, is the visual of another person in your bedroom ‘all’ you need to lift the passion levels in your monkey-sex, or do you really need a third party? You’ve already mentioned that your sex life is highly satisfying – can you live without it? Sometimes the fantasy is better than the reality and with less consequence if it all goes pear-shaped.
There are few ways it can go pear-shape. They include obvious jealousy when you see your man and your best friend kissing passionately. What if you feel left out? Are you going to be checking his phone and her phone for the next few weeks after that? Are you secure in your relationship to really let your guard down? Does it bug you that your man wants another woman in the bed? Would he be okay if the roles were reversed and you wanted another man in the bed? What if they shack up behind your back? Will you haunt him with ‘was she better than me?’ every time you’re feeling a bit insecure, or fight over the dishes.
If it fails, you may lose not only your man, but your best girlfriend as well.
On the positive side, if you and your man are totally sure that this will enhance your relationship then the tricky question is ‘how do you approach it?”
This is a good assessment on how well you know your friend. Perhaps start by asking her generally what she thinks of the 3some idea but leave you and your man out of the scene.
Ask if she knows anyone that’s ever done it, and how it turned out. If she is completely revolted by the idea, chokes on her soda, then let it go and change the topic. If she seems interested, ask her if she’d ever consider it, and if so, what would her requirements be?’
Understand that she needs to be an equal party in all decision making here.
Offer a little bit of information like ‘we’re just talking it over, but are not sure.’ If she does seem interested, then say ‘if we were going to do it, we’d be comfortable with you because we adore you, think you’re beautiful and trust you, but it’s totally your decision and we will respect your choice either way’
Be prepared for any answer.
This will give you a chance to check her reaction without compromising your friendship and potentially avoid embarrassment if she says ‘oh my god, I’d never ever do that’ then you can re-direct your queries someplace else.
There is something to be said about having an anonymous third party as a sexual partner though. There are no phone-calls, no awkward moments at birthday parties, no nosey mutual -friends who want details, no secret glances over next week’s dinner party – it’s very discreet and you don’t have to see them again. They’re not in the same social circles as you and if you have a fight three years from now, they’re not likely to air your dirty linen online or in your real life.
Think long and hard before making this decision. It could make for a great sexual encounter but also cost your relationship of 3 years (which sounds hot enough) and your friendship with your girlfriend which will sting too.
Safe sex, communication, consequences and agreements are the key talking points here!
Keep in touch.
I am a 19 year old woman and i live with my fiance. I am his first serious girlfriend and his first sexual partner. We have been together for three years , but our sexual relationship is now getting more exciting, as we are learning how to please each other and becoming more open about sexual fantasies and desires. As it turns out, we both share a fantasy to have a threesome with another woman. Having discussed it in bed on a number of occasions (and had great sex thinking about it) we have decided that if we were to make it a reality, it would have to be with someone we both trusted to keep it private, and someone we felt comfortable with. My best friend is beautiful and would be the perfect person to share this experience with, however, i have two problems. One is that i am not sure if it would be dangerous for our relationship. I do not want to find myself getting jealous even though i trust them both, and i dont want to make things uneasy with both my fiance and my best friend. Id like to think i wouldnt get jealous but it may be different when im in the actual situation. A fantasy is great in my head, but would it become messy in reality? My other problem is that i dont know how to ask my friend without seeming sleazy or scaring her off. She has never been with a woman and i dont want to lose our friendship over something like this. How do we subtley let her know we are attracted to her and want to have sex with her? And should we even do it at all?
Thankyou.
Hey back to you! :)
I would advise you to think long and hard about the positives and negatives with having the 3some with your man and your best friend. There are a few things to think about. First of all, is the visual of another person in your bedroom ‘all’ you need to lift the passion levels in your monkey-sex, or do you really need a third party? You’ve already mentioned that your sex life is highly satisfying – can you live without it? Sometimes the fantasy is better than the reality and with less consequence if it all goes pear-shaped.
There are few ways it can go pear-shape. They include obvious jealousy when you see your man and your best friend kissing passionately. What if you feel left out? Are you going to be checking his phone and her phone for the next few weeks after that? Are you secure in your relationship to really let your guard down? Does it bug you that your man wants another woman in the bed? Would he be okay if the roles were reversed and you wanted another man in the bed? What if they shack up behind your back? Will you haunt him with ‘was she better than me?’ every time you’re feeling a bit insecure, or fight over the dishes.
If it fails, you may lose not only your man, but your best girlfriend as well.
On the positive side, if you and your man are totally sure that this will enhance your relationship then the tricky question is ‘how do you approach it?”
This is a good assessment on how well you know your friend. Perhaps start by asking her generally what she thinks of the 3some idea but leave you and your man out of the scene.
Ask if she knows anyone that’s ever done it, and how it turned out. If she is completely revolted by the idea, chokes on her soda, then let it go and change the topic. If she seems interested, ask her if she’d ever consider it, and if so, what would her requirements be?’
Understand that she needs to be an equal party in all decision making here.
Offer a little bit of information like ‘we’re just talking it over, but are not sure.’ If she does seem interested, then say ‘if we were going to do it, we’d be comfortable with you because we adore you, think you’re beautiful and trust you, but it’s totally your decision and we will respect your choice either way’
Be prepared for any answer.
This will give you a chance to check her reaction without compromising your friendship and potentially avoid embarrassment if she says ‘oh my god, I’d never ever do that’ then you can re-direct your queries someplace else.
There is something to be said about having an anonymous third party as a sexual partner though. There are no phone-calls, no awkward moments at birthday parties, no nosey mutual -friends who want details, no secret glances over next week’s dinner party – it’s very discreet and you don’t have to see them again. They’re not in the same social circles as you and if you have a fight three years from now, they’re not likely to air your dirty linen online or in your real life.
Think long and hard before making this decision. It could make for a great sexual encounter but also cost your relationship of 3 years (which sounds hot enough) and your friendship with your girlfriend which will sting too.
Safe sex, communication, consequences and agreements are the key talking points here!
Keep in touch.
4 comments:
3some: Find a man that says he wouldn't like to have a 3some with his girl and another girl, I'll wait :)
If she decides that a 3some is indeed for her, she should try real hard to make sure the other woman is NOT a friend of either party. Nothing like having your best friend decide to come by one day when you aren't home to get a little loving since you didn't mind...
heheh Lord N. Thanks for popping by. Surely there are SOME BLOKES out there, somewhere, in yonder hills that would say no to a FFM 3some?
You've also made a valid point about the best friend having those boundaries left wide open now!
I guess I should have said find a hetero male not wanting a ffm :)
Diva Smack,
That is such great advice! I always appreciate the opportunity to think before I act and have a better understanding of the consequences associated with my choices.
xo
a
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