Bigger Ain't Always Better

Hello

I have been dating a woman for a year now, and though we are relaxed and have fun in bed, there is a problem. She says that she has a unusually small cervix, and for her any attempt at intercourse and even fingers inside of her make her very uncomfortable. We have tried more lubricant, but it seems like we just can't have sex. Admittedly I am clumsy being my first partner which makes me uncertain at times.

I wondered if there was any way to help ease her discomfort. She said she had sex with other partners, but had a nasty breakup and didn't see anyone for 4 or more years, and now is more uncomfortable.

As I said , we are having a good time with good oral and hand work, but we both want to experience as much as possible. Any advice for an average guy?

Dear Average,

Since she is your first, there may be ways in which you are entering and thrusting that exacerbate this problem, and perhaps she has not told you this because she doesn't want to have to tell you how a particular ex did it that was OK. Same applies for your finger play. Though if you are using just one finger and aren't ham-handed, this sounds extreme. So ask her if she was comfortable with intercourse with past partners (not just whether she had it) and what was different that made it OK.

The idea that she was able to have sex four years ago and then can't again after a dry spell has some validity at first. Perhaps what's needed is very slow, very gentle stretching, without the goal of either of you finishing from intercourse for a while, but just making it part of the play.

Now there are couples that just don't fit well. But if you are correct in being average, it seems you both should do what you can to help her enjoy intercourse, otherwise she'll be the one girl on Craigslist looking for a smaller-than-average dick and will be overwhelmed with responses.

I'd also try different positions -- angle of entry can affect comfort as well.

Al